“I’m born with a restless heart,
In the darkness
I’m born with a desperate need,
Right off the bat, this song connects with me on such a deep level. If I’m defining my relationship with God, and I’m being honest about it, this is exactly what it tends to sound like. No matter how frustrated I feel about my relationship with God, there is always this innate desire, and an instinctual knowledge that God exists and is ever present.
“I failed you a thousand times,
Still you’re faithful
Teach me to fix my eyes,
If I didn’t truly believe in God’s existence, then why would I get so frustrated over my relationship with them? That leads us into what I like to view as the begging portion of the song. I start by asking God to take away this confusion and internal conflict going on inside of me and just let me focus on them instead.
“Burn away my rebellious,
Ever wandering heart
Lift me out from the ashes
Keep me where you are”
For me worship is at its truest when I am begging God for something. Stop me God from loving other things more, keep me in a place that’s close to you. Now I definitely don’t view this as me commanding God, but it’s much more than me just timidly asking. (Something that comes easy for me) No. These are intense, burning requests, that I view as great moments of vulnerability.
“We’re calling on fire
We’re calling on fire
We’re calling on fire, God
Come set our hearts ablaze”
Let me explain. I think the reason we as people see “begging” in a demeaning light is because we aren’t ok with the thought of allowing other people that level of power or position over us. We also don’t want to subject ourselves to that level of submission either. That’s actually the exact reason I crave the same exchange when I sing this song, or worship in general. I get to transform the acknowledgment of my frustrations, into a total moment of vulnerability where I beg God to make it ok.
“Father, king of the heavens
Show us your face
We delight in your glory
The parental reference in the bridge transforms that image once more, making it the personal relationship I’ve been desiring since the beginning. My parent is lifting me from the ground and providing me that affirming smile we get from a mother or father when we need it most. The only thing that can turn a baby’s tears to laughter is the only thing that fulfills my restless, desperate, rebellious, and wandering heart.