“When I was 13, I spent most of my life sick from PopTarts and daydreams.”

This is a recycled line from a short story I wrote a few years ago, but I think it works for my actual 13-year-old self. All day long I would escape into my head, searching for some form of newness. But I never got it, so I watched Dawson’s Creek and ate PopTarts instead.

Today, I feel like my 13-year-old self  –tired, jaded, and daydreaming about what my life could look like if God finally answered the prayer I’ve been praying for seven years. Unfortunately, there are no PopTarts. They’re too expensive. Blessed be the parents who buy PopTarts for their kids.

I don’t have any insights for you today, only a longing that David expresses in Psalm 40, a longing for renewal.

I think it’s rather cosmic that I got this particular Psalm today, because when I opened a book Derrick gave me a couple Christmases ago, I found a picture I printed with a graphic made of the verse from Psalm 40:3

“When my Hallelujah was tired, you gave me a new song.” 

 

I had forgotten I made that. I made it because I was hoping it was true.

And tonight, I still hope. After seven years, I still hope. I would like to think that after 1,000 years, I will still hope.

I will forever hope in the renewal that comes from the Lord.

Even when tonight, my Hallelujah is tired, and I can no longer afford a box of PopTarts or an emotional hangover from one too many daydreams.