Dear friend,

I know the feeling that you’re feeling. The first time you’ve ever experienced your parent not being there to support you. Maybe your need is financial, maybe it’s emotional, maybe for the first time you’ve made a decision that your parents won’t support. Maybe they refused to. Maybe they simply weren’t able to. But that day is here. You’re in a new season and you’re truly on your own for the first time. 

When I was 19 years old I decided to move out of my parent’s house. I didn’t go to college. I didn’t have a great job. I played music full time and I wanted to be an adult.

I remember sitting my parents down at family dinner.  It was a Sunday night in early May. I told them my grand plan. I watched as their faces turned dark and their smiles were wiped away. They didn’t think I was ready. In truth, I probably wasn’t. But it was my time either way and I knew I had to do it. My mom left the dinner table that night and we didn’t speak for a week. I was angry. How could she not support me? How could she not trust that she raised me well enough to make it on my own? After seven days of deafening silence, I knew I had to talk with her. “I just don’t want to lose my baby boy,” my mom said through tears rolling down her face. That was the moment it clicked. She was afraid. I knew then that my mother loved me. I understood that whether she supported my decision or not, her utmost desire was that I would be safe, healthy, and prosperous. 

Our generation fights an uphill battle like no other when it comes to transitioning from adolescence to adulthood. Not only is the stress from higher education absolutely crushing, but we face school debt, a lack of jobs, and a seemingly endless ocean of self-discovery and doubt. That all equates to a new season of life between childhood and full independence, a season where we work out butts off with full-time school, two or three jobs, maybe even an internship. Some of us are fortunate enough to have parents who support us through this season. Some of us don’t. And still, some of us choose to walk away from under our parents’ shelter to brave that season alone. 

No matter where you fall on this spectrum, the day is coming soon that you’ll be on your own. And friend, I won’t lie to you, it’s scary. You may not know if you’ll have enough money to cover the rent. You may not get the job opportunity you thought you would. You may even have to create (necessary) distance between your family in this season. But let me tell you, it will be okay.

This is part of the process. You can’t skip it. There’s no easy way out. But it will get better, it will get easier, and you will get stronger. See this season not as a nightmare but as an incredible opportunity to start over, to create new and better habits, to form meaningful relationships that will support you, carry you, and care for you. 

And most of all, remember that you have a heavenly mother, a heavenly father that is with you through every season. Remember that no matter your relationship with your biological or adopted parents, that God is always looking out for you, always paving the path in front of you.

Peace and love in this new season friends!

Troi Aragon Buchanan
Assistant Director of Worship and Community

July 25, 2018