These posts are following CCW’s Evolve gathering on the discipline of worship. We hope you enjoy as the CCW Band members share the stories, the celebration, and the worship behind the songs we sing in our gatherings.
The first time I heard “Future/Past” was the first time I came to CCW. In the hours before I walked through the doors at Grace UMC, God and I had been having a conversation about how I wasn’t really sure who he was and about how church just probably wasn’t for me. My relationship with God had kind of fallen apart toward the end of high school, and I had entertained the thought that maybe college would be different. Maybe it would give me the chance to start over, find a church, and pursue the relationship with God I had neglected. But when things didn’t fall into place that easily, I gave up. God was too big, and I was too small, and I told God I wasn’t going to church anymore.
“Where can I run, where can I hide from your heart’s jealous fire?”
Thankfully, God didn’t feel the same way. I can’t really explain how I ended up at CCW that night, but after a lot of arguing with God, I was there. And once there, I immediately felt at home and closer to God than I had in a long time.
“All treasures of wisdom and things to be known are hidden inside your hands.
And in this fortunate turn of events, you asked me to be your friend.”
God was big, yes. But by grace he was not too big to want a relationship with me – even when I’d spent most of my time running away. Experiencing that closeness with God was one of the last things I’d expected to happen, and that night, I wasn’t quite able to wrap my head around his goodness.
“You are the beginning and the end.”
To declare that God was my first, my last, my future, and my past was to acknowledge his faithfulness in my messy past and to declare my trust that he knew what he was doing in my future.